"Everyone wants to be a gangster until its time to do gangster sh*t!"
I recently saw this on a shirt and it echoes my sentiment on what most parents don't get. This week's blog is a request from one of my good buddies whose kids is an absolute stud. I have referred to her in past blogs and he called me to give me a few ideas and so here we are. We talked about the last portion of last week's blog where I went over the key factors aside from character and what will make your kids great. He felt like most parents asked him why his kid was so good and it seemed obvious but it wasn't. THE TIME PUT IN!
If you have not read the book by Malcolm Gladwell called "Outliers" I would highly suggest it. It talks about this theory at great lengths but I will summarize it for this purpose. In order to be great at anything you have to have a little luck, a little timing but most importantly the drive and time to put into the reps!
Parents always want their child to be the best but they don't always put their child in the best spots. We sometimes throw money at it or we sometimes make excuses. I often hear these ones. "I'm not trying to live through my child like so and so." or "I don't want them to burn out, they need to be kids." Well no duh. I agree with those but is that really why Timmy isn't playing or why Kelly can't hit. When I hear those cliches I can't help but feel like excuses come in all shapes and sizes to fit all the scenarios you make in your head.
Putting my butt where my mouth is. For the last 3 weeks I have been waking up at 5am Mon-Fri and going to the gym with my son. Do I want a cookie for that? I mean yes I guess but I want to explain why. For the past 7 months since his operation my son and I have slowly and surely separated from the once bonding father/son connection we had prior to that. We didn't do the things we have done since he was 3, go and play catch, throw BP and hit ground balls. I didn't realize that it was OUR time. It was time to tell my son how proud I was of him and help him improve. It was his time to show me all the great things he was capable of. I started to get away from my 50/50 split of kids and slowly went to a more 90/10 split spending most of my time with Sav. It took an argument about 3 weeks ago to figure this out. I say argument but to be fair it was more than that but let's keep it Pg.
For the last few months we have noticed a different child. One full of disobedience and anger. A child who just was not himself. I just chalked it up to one of these big excuses...." He's a teenager, it's just what it is." Well I was losing my kid and my quality time to this excuse. I came up with an idea. His grades had been slipping and required some outside help. No different than pitching or hitting. I had taught him all I knew and after I reached my end we got him pitching/hitting coaches. Angel has done a tremendous job with him and now he's onto a tutor. Same thing. Well he took the news a lot better than I had anticipated. He said, how can I have a tutor and still get my workouts in? Here came my lightbulb. After our recent travels up north to Oregon for some tours we had learned that the Beavers and Ducks both woke up at 5am to get the gym time in before school. I said why don't you start to get ready for college now. If you can make 5 am normal as a sophomore in High School then it will be a cake walk in 3 years.
This was where I had to walk the walk. I said hey why don't I come with you? Little did I know he was stoked inside. Lord knows I needed the motivation and the help but more importantly what I didn't know, was that was what our relationship needed. I also learned what I had suspected for a while now. My son was bigger than me and stronger than me. I think his ego loved this as mine suffered from it for a few hours. Either way it was his chance to show me all the stuff he had learned and the milestones he has hit during his recovery. What I failed to notice during these past months was that just because he couldn't throw the ball didn't mean that he couldn't have things he would be proud of and to show me like when he hit his first HR or threw his first no-hitter.
My point in all of this is we as parents have to get comfortable with being uncomfortable for our kids. We can easily make every excuse why our kids are not going to that money grab team or event but if that's what they love and that's what they work for then so what. Do it. If you aren't spending every spare minute of your day helping your child achieve his or her goals are you truly giving 110% like you tell them to on the field? Listen I am not saying to go broke or mortgage your home to chase an empty dream. I am saying don't be so quick to pass judgment on these other parents who appear to give it their all for their child's dream.
1 hour drives to practice? 100$ an hour lessons? Throwing batting practice in the rain? These all sound crazy but they are all things we have done. Am I living through my child? I guess so. I am excited that they are living out their biggest dreams in life and I wish I could still do that. Am I worried they will burn out and get sick of the sport? Sure. Are they reaching their full potential? I am not sure, I do know that we will never know unless I give them my full support and effort along with it. When you see those kids who are absolutely doing great in their given ring ask yourself if you as a parent are giving your child that 110%. If you are not then I'd say to start there and find out what your child wants out of the sport and their commitment to it. Then support them with everything you can and have. Sometimes writing the check or cheering them on isn't good enough. You might have to get up at 5am and put in a little sweat with them. You will be amazed at how well it helps them and us. I always tell Joey this. Noone wants to see a man succeed more than them than their father. Let’s get it!
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