We are coming up on our first full year of having 2 children in High School. They both achieved some pretty cool stuff as Freshman playing up on their prospective teams and caused me some grief along the way. It was different grief and therefore the blog was born. Some people can relate as maybe they have 2 sons or 2 daughters and as the saying goes "Each kid is just different". So perhaps it's not as much a girl vs boy thing but the purposes of this blog I think it is.
To say that my 2 children are different would be an understatement. As I remember at an early age I knew each one was going to do great things but in 2 very different manners. My son was like a golden retriever. When I got home he was up and excited and wanted to play. My daughter was more like a "cat". Sometimes happy and sometimes unfazed by my arrival. This caused me some mental anguish as an early dad where I questioned myself as a father and as an equal provider to my kids. I have news. You can not be equal as you know I don't believe in fairness. It will not happen and even with your best intentions one child will feel slighted at some point. I now just have a favorite child of the day. Some days that favorite child is Lulu or Tito, my chihuahuas.
A friend was in town this weekend and was explaining their daughter's story and how her freshman year on the Varsity team has been. I'll save the details but let's just say the girls can be mean and she wants to change schools. It led me to wonder why or how we as parents monitor and parent our children differently. For instance my son has his own challenges and what not but it seemed like in the boy world two things would happen. When a problem between two boys came up it was either solved on the field or behind the bleachers. I'm dating myself but literally boys seemed to respect each other if they could help the team IE: were really good or go and fight each other. I don't condone fighting but I do like the immediate result that typically happens. You see, for the boys a good fist fight or wrestling match usually let each of them know that they would not be backing down and therefore a different solution was required. Time and time again the two boys who did not like each other seemed to have a fight and then became friends or at least remained in the same friend circle. Not the girls.....
I am not sure that two girls fist fighting would work or even sound right coming out of the mouth of a father but I do wish the girls had a more immediate way of handling this drama. Instead it feels like there is a smear campaign that lasts for months. Almost like politics. I hate politics so it is no surprise to me that this whole thing gives me the icky feeling. It's like the great movie from Dazed and Confused where Ben Affleck who somehow was a 5th year senior in high school chases around the freshman boys with a paddle for hazing while the girls are driven around through a carwash getting mustard poured on them and all sorts of other things. Like that but different. For the record Savannah has had an amazing freshman year. She has been accepted and treated very well by her peers and upperclassmen. Her brother in good old fashioned brother style had caused some concern last year telling the girls she was coming and how much better she was than them. Sort of a proud brother but I have a feeling his motives were not so wholesome. This did cause Sav to get some random messages via social media from girls she didn't even know. Luckily we handled that accordingly and the rest is history.
I guess my point is this. We as parents need to be involved. We need to understand what our daughters are doing, what's happening to them and what they are doing about seeing things happen to their friends and teammates. It has become a negative in the last few years to help someone down or stick up for someone so where does that come from? I know we as parents don't think this way. I also wonder if we are too busy with life or preoccupied with work? If our son came home with a black eye we'd immediately see it and respond but with our daughters the black eye is on the inside. Couple that with the fact its pretty hard sometimes to get 2 sentences out of my "Cat" so I know it's hard.
I bring this to light because mental health is real and affects our daughters a lot more than I remember. The pressure of school, the game, being cool, who they date and how they look seemed to be at the forefront of their thoughts. As us softball dads go we are crazy and over the top. Let's also be involved and aware of what our daughters are doing and doing for one another. I think it's our job to encourage and raise strong women who feel they are capable of picking one another up and standing up for one another. At some point we will all be parents of the "senior class". Let's encourage these girls that whatever made up "cool class" they think exists is not really a thing. The cool class can be a person who does good things for their fellow friends or classmates. We have a player who is an absolute all star. She is going to one of the best colleges in the country. People ask me often about her and if she is as good as they hear. I always answer the same way. She's better. The thing about this kid is yes she is a phenom on the dirt and in the batters box but her intangibles are what make me cheer for her in life. She is a leader among the girls. Always the first to cheer and always the first to accept responsibility when something doesn't happen the way it's planned. I don't think I have ever seen a teenager act like this game in and game out. Boy or girl. She is the best. The funniest part of this is I got to meet her dad this year. Guy is cooler than the other side of the pillow. No screaming at her during at bats or complaining about her coaching. Not bagging on the lesser players. Just there cheering on his kid.
This whole thing we call life is a lesson. I think the more we talk about our own faults and failures the better we can become and not perpetuate them onto our children and the next generation. As for me I just hope my "cat" keeps loving the game I love to watch her play. I hope that her friends who have had a rough go this year as freshman will be recharged this summer.
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