Ok I have to admit I took some heat a few weeks back for my comment on "Craziest" parents and here is my $0.02 on why! Yesterday I was driving to Savannah's basketball game and drove by the high school team tryouts for softball. There they were in all of their glory....the "Softball Dads". Watching the try outs. It got me thinking. I would have been there most likely watching if not for hoops. Only 12 months earlier I was at the same school at baseball tryouts and not a dad was seen for miles around. Maybe a straggler here or there but not anywhere near the field let alone in the bleachers set up like they were watching game 7 of the College World Series between Oklahoma and Ucla.
As a softball dad and a baseball dad I can speak from both sides of the fence. I am both and have also been a soccer dad, basketball dad, karate dad, golf dad, tennis dad and a few others but you get my point. I have never been a volleyball dad, gymnastics dad or a swim dad. These 3 are exempt from this blog and for that reason get a free pass to be as crazy as they want without judgment ha!
For the sake of argument and because I like to sleep in the large bedroom with the king size bed I am going to refer to all of these observations as "Dad" even though some of these are completely talking about "Mom" but like I said for the purpose of my safety and health I will only speak from the fathers side of view.
I was aware early on of the big difference between the softball dad and the baseball dad from when Savannah was about 4 or 5 and she started getting into sports. She was a year earlier than Joey and it was almost out of necessity and less out of my desire to "live through my kid". As a father of two children 17 months apart it always seemed like the younger sibling got slotted to fall in line with the older sibling whether they wanted to or not. It was no different for Savannah. She was gonna be doing whatever her brother was. I'd like to think on her own and with her passion but I would be naive to think I had no part in her choice for a glove and a bat over the American Girl doll and 2 million dollars of accessories that came with it.
It started off with T-Ball. Savannah was not old enough to sign up for anything but as luck would have it I had signed up to be a coach for Joey's team and with that responsibility also came some opportunity for my child (I sense a future blog on "The coaches kid") but i'll get back to the topic at hand. I was able to get Savannah out on the field with the "Big kids" 5 and 6 year olds. She was right at home because why would she not be. Joey was that big brother that did not care how old you were or how good you were. He wanted to win at everything and suffered from this insatiable bug of competition that I always felt would be a problem for him socially but was a hunger I did not have so let it thrive and has seemed to pay off. That level of competitiveness at home was rarely encountered in the wild with kids not named Joey and as you can imagine was almost as rare as me winning an argument with my wife amongst her female peers.
After T-Ball came little league sign ups. I was met with a decision. Softball or Baseball. Savannah was absolutely good enough at this point in her young childhood to play on the diamond with the boys but was not age eligible on her birth certificate to sign up for softball. She would have to play another year of T-Ball but we were all T-balled out. I felt pretty strongly about girls playing softball and boys playing baseball from a social standpoint as they got older. What did I do? Well I think the San Carlos Softball league's statute of limitations has expired so I can publicly say I signed Savannah up as a 2007 kid instead of 2008. Now Joey and her were in two different leagues and only 5 months apart.... Maybe I should get Angel on Jerry Springer for this lol.
Softball was different, the rules were different and the fields were different. If you read last week's blog then you know where I stand on the term FAIR so I won't dive into this but wow what a shock to the conscience for me coming from the last 2 years of T-ball to this. Sav was six years old and signed up as a seven year old but no one knew the difference talent wise. She was able to hold her own and fit right in. By the rules I don't mean the softball/baseball rules I just mean how we treated the kids. The first thing I noticed was on day 1. The girls got 3 strikes and they were out! Yes you read that correctly, no free bases, no re-pitch just out. Let me explain. The baseball program for the same age allowed for the coach to either take over for the pitcher and go to coach pitch or the boys got 7 pitches. They could literally swing 6 times and miss, then on the 7th swing and hit a HR. The girls were not so lucky. They learned from an early age that you had 3 chances to see a good pitch and swing and make contact. Just as their 18 yr old counterparts. For the girls who were good this was not a problem but for the ones who were not you can see how the lack of success may lead you to other things at an early age.
I wonder if this is where the "Softball Dad'' starts to mold his character. Looking back on this time, I wonder if my daughter's early success compared to her peers started to make me feel like she was this awesome player who I had to water with all my money and time so that she could wait for it......play college softball! Yes I said it. The words the softball dad rarely ever says out loud. Here is where it gets fun. You see the baseball dad also has dreams of his son but it's not to play in college because you know that is cool and all but the big leagues are where the boys go. That is the conversation the baseball dad buries way down deep inside at this age. We all believe in our kids but we don't speak those words outside the walls of our home for fear of being mocked or laughed at once we leave the room. It is the same for the softball dad but the same way we expedited the strike out with girls, we expedited the process of pinnacle success. Yes I understand that women do play professional softball and that is awesome but this is my blog so in my head I like to think D1 college softball at places like Oklahoma, UCLA and Arizona are the pinnacle of women's softball. Speaking of college softball was the equivalent of saying your son was gonna be on the Yankees at age 8, you didn't do it.
Around 8 years old comes "Travel Ball". Yes it also happens for the boys but as with everything else the feel for traveling is expedited. You see, the boys tournaments between local cites are great. The city next door had 3-4 travel ball teams and you could get a baseball tournament with 20 teams all within a 10 minutes radius. The girls were not so lucky. 1 team per city in an age group if you were lucky. Actually, now that I think of it, girls don't have the same age groups as boys. Boys have 8u,9u,10u and so on. The girls? You guessed it 8u,10u,12u. Why? I have to assume it was because there just were not enough girls but I also had to imagine this also led to some of the "Softball Dad" mentality. Joey played in his age group. Some boys "played up" and on occasion so did mine but for the most part I never bought into that philosophy. As for Savannah this was a huge part of why she quit softball at the ripe old age of 9. Oh I haven't gotten to that chapter yet. Sorry that is coming. I will never forget that Savannah was offered a spot at 8 years old to play on an awesome team. The coach was awesome and the team was good. It was only a 45 minute commute each way 3 days a week in Bay Area traffic but it was TRAVEL BALL and if I wanted Savannah to play at the premier High School this was where she had to be. I remember coaching Joey's travel ball team at the park located 100 ft away from my front door on a friday and having to wake up at 3:30 am Saturday morning so that I could be in Modesto by 6:30 am so that Savannah could be on the field ready to go 75 minutes early for her 7:45 am game start. Any softball dad has this story. Our daughters were out on the field with fog so bad you couldn't see your throwing partner and lights turned on just to help with warm ups.
Full disclosure, some of my greatest times with my children were these rides so I can't say they're all bad.
With the age gap in girls came some drama early on. When you are in 2nd grade and your teammate is in 4th that is not always a great set up. It could be but in our house it did not work. Remember that insatiable desire to win at all cost I referred to with Joey? Well Savannah didn't have that. She was great but on her own terms. She told me after that season she was done. She did not want to play softball. Instead she wanted to try tennis. Then soccer and then a few others. I am not sure if I knew it but I had become that softball dad. I was rationalizing the effort, cost and time consumption of the softball world because you guessed it. I wanted my daughter to play college softball. I wanted her to be a champion. I knew this was what she was good at and I had to do all these crazy things. Then the 9 year old showed me I was wrong. I was shattered, I thought I had my kids' life all planned out and now knew nothing. I was unsure of what to do and so she just went on being awesome. Just not at softball. That was until we moved.
A large part of our decision making was that both kids were good at sports and we felt private school would be their best avenue to pursue their talents. With that came an estimated cost of $25k a year per kid. The idea of spending $200k on High School tuition was our reality. We decided that if we relocated, we would save that money and possibly get some financial freedom. It required some sacrifices professionally on both of our ends but what wouldn't you do for your kids? Well the softball dad sacrifices everything lol. I told Savannah that it might be a good idea to revisit playing softball even if only rec ball so she could meet some girls. She agreed and the passion came back slowly but surely. She made some great friends and now I know a whole new group of softball dads. These guys were great but for whatever reason the need for travel ball was about 2 years behind up here. At least in this group. I warned a few dads of the perils of A-Ball but they all dived right in as any good softball dad would and found out for themselves. Some came back to the fold and some never did. I was happy as a peach playing locally with some awesome girls, families and minimal travel. Then the unspeakable happened and Savannah said she wanted back in. She wanted to go full tilt on the travel ball again. I was hesitant but also excited as a kid in a candy store. Before you knew it we were back to that 45 minute commute 3 times a week and 4 am wake up calls. What is that definition of insanity again?
Well I got to meet the new and improved "Softball Dads". Whoa, these guys were top notch. Great guys and awesome dads. My 3 days a week was nothing. Some parents travel 7 days a week. Some girls playing on teams in southern California! Yes you are reading this correctly. They are driving to Southern California so their daughters can be at practice on the team they feel is the best fit for their daughter! Are they wrong? No way. Are they crazy? No way that is not my point. My point is the softball dad is just a notch up above the baseball dad. Maybe it's because of necessity or maybe because it's bred into us at an early age from the 5 year old striking out. I am not sure. My point is that when it comes to our sons we are a little quick to let go of that bicycle seat with no training wheels but for our daughters I think we would hold on to that seat until she gets to the aisle in that white gown if we could. We can't and instead we just make sure we are there and over the top for every decision possible. Time will tell in our house if I made the right decisions but I feel like in the end it will all work out. Whatever field of life Savannah is in, I know she is a great person and that all the experiences in the world have made her that way!
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