Over the last 44 years I have met so many awesome people. Some know my upbringing and some don't. I didn't have it so bad but I didn't have it as good as I like to think my kids have it either. With that being said it made me think of the stuff Angel and I have done for Joey and Sav. My mom did a great job. My dad also did a great job while he was around. It's a hard thing putting that onto paper but at this point of my life the truth is what it is. My dad was a great dad when he was around. He taught me all the things that made a man. Don't hit women. Take care of business around the house and most of all be a man of your word. I am however in uncharted waters here with teenagers as he was not around during these years of my life.
As a father I am tasked with raising two completely different and awesome humans. My sister got married when I was about 16. I thought he was the best thing since sliced bread. Guy was an awesome older brother. With him came his younger brother who was also a great older brother. I learned so much about life from these two guys while my dad was away. It was awesome being a 16 year old who had two older brothers with a different last name let alone different skin color. We were inseparable. Everything they did I did. I loved it and I had some freedom. Definitely made some mistakes and made some memories.
During my career in law enforcement, I used to tell people and mostly teens that there was a very thin line between me being a cop or being in the back seat. Those lessons were absolutely instrumental in who I am. My wife and I have been together since I was 15 so she has seen every shade of “Joe” there is. The guy with short hair and shaved lines, longer hair with braids and now a hard part. She's been by my side through everything and without her I'd be lost.
When I think of my kids upbringing I can't help but feel like they are lacking in so many things with regards to how hard life is but isn't that what my job is as their dad? To shelter them from the fact that not everyone has a gate to their front door or a large hill to their house. It is such a tough road with two kids approaching driving age. The things they want now from what car they would like to just plain the cost of car insurance. I am not sure how people do it. Then I start to add up the cost of sports. I start to add up the cost of each team, each pair of cleats, each new bat, each new basketball, and so on.
I recently had a great conversation with a friend of mine who was upset about her daughter's experience in high school and some things the coach said to her daughter. My response was harsh but I meant it in a loving way. I said “Well what are you going to do about it?” I didn't mean it as in retaliation towards the coach but simply as a parent. You see, when I think about sports and why my kids are doing them it's simple. Sports are life in motion. Her daughter is a great player. So what if the coach did not see that, he will. That was my point to her. Let her daughter know that she is good enough and that life is not fair. You may feel like you are being treated poorly but what will you do? Quit? Hell no. What would you do if you don't get the job or promotion?
I feel very lucky to have a boy and girl as the road is the same but totally different. My son wants to play baseball for a living and I will be doing my best to help him achieve his goal. I will also help him come up with a plan to adjust when he is done. You see, the simple truth is every baseball player stops playing at some point. Some at 18 and some at 38. I plan to be here the entire time. For Savannah the road is different and the same. There is no real reason for softball after college but all the lessons she can learn along the way will hopefully set her up for success there as well. I sometimes worry about my kid’s journey but then I remember these thoughts and my heart smiles.
They will not know what it's like to experience some of the things I dealt with as a kid and young adult mostly self inflicted and that is ok. I will spend obscene amounts of money and most importantly time on them in hopes that their dreams come true. I often hear the term about living through our children and I have accepted that in fact I truly feel like I am. I am not trying to right some ship that went wrong for me, I am genuinely living through my children as if they are what my life's purpose has become. I love my wife and everything we have created for them. I can't wait to see where they go and how it goes knowing that her and I will have a front row seat. So if you can afford it then go for it. Spoil them because lord knows this ride will be over at some point and I don't want to look back with regret. If you can not afford it, also know that you are being a great parent and being present is the most important gift of all.
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