They don't come with directions.

"An American Tragedy" was a documentary I watched on a recent plane trip. It stars Dylan Klebold's mother, Sue, who details what she wishes she would have done better. For those of you who may not know who Dylan was, he was one of the shooters in the Columbine High School shooting in 1999. Why would I want to write about this when I am more of a youth sports guy? Well, here it is.

While watching this documentary some 35 years later, it made me think of how Angel and I have tried our best to raise good kids. It made me think of my years in law enforcement helping parents with their kids. It made me think of all the hours coaching kids and trying to help them become the best ball player they could be, and it made me think of the rumors and BS stories I have heard that turned out to be false. Listening to Sue and her story was heartbreaking, and as a parent, I think I can see it through a different lens. Considering I graduated High School in 1997, and this happened two years after, I found myself going back to my high school years and thinking about the freedoms we had then and what my kids do now.

When I was a cop, I used to respond to calls where a parent would call for service about their child and how to handle their outbursts. I'd often think about how it must feel to be that parent who calls the police because your child is not behaving. We often judge each other as parents by the actions of our children. We rarely ever take the time to truly look into why those children are that way. The documentary went into great detail about the Klebolds and their day-to-day life and how, leading up to the shooting, she had what most parents would explain as a "normal childhood." First off, let me say that I am in no way dismissing the fact that she has a responsibility in all of this. More to that, I think what she has done with her life and her voice post-Columbine is courageous, and I am happy she is trying to help. She explains a lot about various events in her parenting where she felt there was a sign but I wanted to focus on 2. For the rest, you can watch it on Amazon.

Mother's Day was an instance she talked about where she was so upset with him for forgetting to get her a card that she yelled at him and wished she had just hugged him. She felt like this was perhaps the time when he was starting to get in a hole, and she wished she had seen it. This made me think of how I, as a parent, sometimes lose track of what my kids are worried about. She just explains she wishes she would have hugged him and asked him if everything was okay instead of just assuming he was lazy and forgot.

Another thing in the documentary that stuck out was that ever since Columbine, we have focused on the response but not necessarily on prevention. This was the bell that went off in my head. I have been to hours and hours of active shooter drills. My kids and I have been through hours and hours of in-school safety drills where they are taught to barricade, fight, or run. I am not sure I have ever been to a parent training or seminar about mental health with kids and how they learn. This documentary had some very interesting thoughts on when and how kids learn to grieve and when their brains are developing to learn about all their emotions. There was so much info that they seemed to learn before they ever got to school it was eye-opening. I think there was a statistic about how 85% of their brain is developed before they turn six and how those six years set the pace for the rest of their life. They go on to talk about teaching young kids how to deal with the mental health load they will experience in life.

I think, as sports parents, we have all heard of Todd Marinovich and the story of his dad, who was too hard or too involved. How we are told not to be that dad in your kid's youth sports journey. Todd Marinovich did make it to the NFL, so he must have done something right. I think about the sports-illustrated article I read a while back that explains Bryce Harper and how he graduated HS early so he could attend junior college and get drafted. How's he doing? I'd say just fine. I guess what I am saying is that to an outsider, some may look over the top, but with your kid, you have to be the judge of that. You have to be ever-evolving and learning. Just like in sports, if you try to teach what your grandparents taught, you would be outdated, so then why try to parent like your grandparents did? I am sure there are some core values there that are awesome, but as with sports and life, try to stay open-minded and keep learning.

I would tell parents in their time of trouble with their kids, "They don't come with instructions." Hoping they would feel like, hey, we are all trying our best as parents. I truly believe that as a parent, we all want what is best for our children. I think the thing that stood out most from this documentary was how much of a normal mom Sue was and how horrific her life was after that. It went into great detail about all the false accusations and presumptions we all may have felt about her and her son. In a much lesser light, I thought about all the false assumptions we make about parents and players and how I need to be a better person. I hope I never have to be in her shoes and that I never have to be part of any of the tragedies she has had to endure in her life. I hope that the next time I see something stupid, I can stop and be less judgemental of that family's situation.