I was asked recently by one of my daughter's teammates after giving her some coach advice, "Do you have a baseball card?" I think she was referencing what our coach had or perhaps her parents had and thus they out ranked me on knowledge. I politely responded of course I did and her face went blank. Here is the proof that I have a baseball card......I just never said it was a pro card hahahaha....
These blogs are becoming fun for me to write as the kids I am referring to are starting to read and relate to them. This has made this journey awesome and even funner with regards to what and how I can write. So here comes part 27 of 52 we are over the hump. Daddy ball vs travel Ball. Dad , mom, grand parent or sibling. It's all the same for reference when I say "Daddy ball".
Daddy Ball Coaches
Sibling? I bring up sibling's because of a great memory of my teenage baseball days when my buddy and his older brother were part of our team. Eddie was my age and his brother John was older and our coach. Eddie was good and his brother was also a good player. I'll never forget the practice where tempers ran hot. It was a sunny day on the old Crestmoor High school baseball field when John told Eddie to either stop being scared of the ball or something and Eddie had enough and charged his brother. They got into an all out fight right there on the 3rd baseline. We had a few other adult coaches who broke it up. From that point on no one ever mentioned that Eddie might be playing more because of his brother. We knew that in fact he probably was hurt more by having his family around all the time to correct and challenge him. This was one of my first daddy ball examples.
Joey was 5 years old when we started him in tackle football. It was exciting and new. I decided I would coach and be part of the team. I had a lot to learn as I had never coached football before. I met some great new friends on that staff that I still call friends to this day. The head coach was Rodney. He was great. Had all the plans and kids were dialed in. In hindsight 10 years later it's amazing how he kept the entire staff of dad's on track with little to no drama I could remember and let me tell you this. Our group of dads were no easy task. All of us had visions and dreams for each of our boys out on the gridiron. 1 playoff game there I was out on the field coaching the defense. I remember I kept switching Joey back and forth from Linebacker to Defensive End. Well anyhow it wasn't working and I kept instructing Joey on or after each play. Rodney simply screams from the sidelines ``Coach! You gotta coach em all!" It was a reference to me only talking and coaching my kid and not doing my job for the other 10 kids out there and he was 100% correct. It hit me like a ton of bricks but was a great reminder to be out there for everyone, not only 1.
The best part of this story was that this was a team full of 5,6,7 year olds. Some entering kindergarten and some entering 3rd grade. Joey was pretty tall and handled his first year with some awesome plays and time on the field. One day during the season I remember the coach screaming at Joey about gap assignments. That is how we told the kids where to line up. He was explaining how the left side was "odd" numbers 1.3.5 and that "even" side was the right side. Joey kind of nodded but had no idea what even or odd meant at this point. At the end of the season we are talking about the next year and if we would be staying on this team or moving up. I explain how Joey has two more years in the division because no one knew Joey was a kindergartner. I say I was wondering why you kept telling him odd and even, I'm not sure they had even gone over that in pre school we all started busting up. One of the best groups of dads I had the pleasure of coaching with. Ironically all but 1 of those boys did not and will not play football their senior year in high school. They have all continued on in other things like Baseball, Golf and Basketball. Shout out to Coach Bob and Luke for graduating and continuing to play football in College. His little brother Troy is also still a baller on the football field.
Ok so dads, parents and siblings can be over the top and sometimes hyper focused on just their kid. It definitely happens, but my point about "Daddy Ball" is more about what comes after the time expires on the field. There is a bond and environment made that transcends sports and becomes family. Just like family however you do not always agree nor do you always like each other. Except that you can not leave your family and go subscribe to another like you can in sports so I have to assume this is why teams turn over as much as they do. However I can tell you from experience that no paid coach or volunteer coach has ever shown or demonstrated the amount of dedication and love that a "Daddy Ball' coach has.
I know a few of you are reading this and yelling at me or poking a voodoo doll of J-Lo. Yes there are some examples of dads who have also killed it for the rest of us. A few dads who literally only coached so that their son or daughter could play on a team or a position. They literally sat kids or played their own when it was not deserved. Yes this happens. I am not stupid to that fact. I could go into detail on arguments and coaches meetings that I wish had never happened but what would be the point. In hindsight all of these parents were merely trying to be good parents. I can not ever remember a time where a fellow parent coach on a team we were on did anything malice or mean in nature to another kid in favor of their own. They merely did not play other kids the time they had deserved but you remember what I said about life being fair right? It is not so those kids learn that lesson a lot sooner. I can however remember on multiple occasions ``daddy ball" working against the child of said coach. I can remember a lot of conversations with fellow coaches who were in fact too hard on their own kids, who did not put their own child in for fear of being labeled as playing favorites. This I know for a fact is the other side of the coin. Ask any "Coaches wife" how much they enjoy the title and I am sure you may get some truth but I instead tell you to trust your eyes. See where the coach's wife sits, see what games she attends, see for yourself how hard it is when you know people are talking about your child or your spouse and ask yourself if you could stomach it.
Paid Coaches
Now that both of my children are in High School I can assure you that my experience is limited but also valid. They have been on travel teams with both types of coaches and on High School teams with both types of coaches. I have also coached with both types of coaches. First of all let me say this first and foremost. YOU CAN'T PAY ME ENOUGH TO DEAL WITH PARENTS. There, I said it. I have a saying in the coaching world and it goes like this. "It's never the kids, it's always the parents." So much of my grief and whoas as a coach have been simply with regards to us, the parents. It is literally the worst part of the job. Why? Simple! I am not there for the parents, I am there for my kid and the players. If I make friends with a parent that is awesome but not my main focus, however the time coaches spend on parents is crazy. Now as a parent it is literally the easiest thing to do. I can show up at game time with my coffee and chair and not a care in the world. I don't need to worry about the line up, I don't need to worry about who played or didn't. I am not interested in who is umpiring or who the other coach is. I simply show up and enjoy the game to the best of my abilities. If I need to take a call mid inning or go to the snack bar I just do. No worries if I miss a pitch.
Try and remember all of these things when you are critiquing a coach no matter if they are paid or not. Especially when they are a non parent. Everyone has a right to enjoy their time away from work. If they have chosen to spend it with your kid try and remember that first and foremost. A very select few of High School coaches make a living as a coach. I can actually only think of 1 and he created his fortune from his access to the fields and turned that into success so hats off to him. Every other one is not making a living off the field or court. If anything like most teachers it probably cost them money. So now that the money and the mental state are out of the way let's get into some nuts and bolts about paid coaches.
They are there for 1 of 2 reasons. They love helping kids or they have a huge ego. I hate to say it this way but in my experience this has been my 2 categories. I am sure there are some others. We have already talked about those who do it for the money so that doesn't belong here. Kids or ego...... Sometimes and almost always there is a little ego in there and that is ok. I want my kids coach to have some ego and drive. After all, they are also teaching life lessons so I am good with it.
Typically and usually it's the love for helping kids achieve their goals that gets these coaches involved. To be fair it's probably about 99% of them. There may be another higher level they are trying to achieve and your kids team is a resume builder and that is ok. Once again you want your kid to learn from other people and see examples of what you need to do in life to succeed. This has been an awesome example of what my kids have seen from their paid coaches. New voices, new ideas and new examples of how to do something. Funny enough I have had to catch myself from correcting these examples to my kid. As a parent now it is hard to sit back and let your kid be taught something you don't like but I have to remember not to be that parent.
The best and most valuable thing your child will receive from paid coaches is experience. When these coaches have been doing this for a while you may not recognize it at first but you hopefully will before the end. These coaches bring years and years of experience to the table. Something us parents do not have. We can't. You only get 1 year at 16u or 14u but some of these coaches have been there and done that for nearly 2 decades. They have seen and done a lot of it over and over. They have been in contact with other long term coaches. Whether it be in travel ball or college. These connections and friendships are priceless.
I will also be the first to say that some of these long standing coaches also are hesitant to change and that can be a negative. They may be stuck in their way of doing things and this can be frustrating to a new player. I heard plenty of complaints once we got to high school from parents who felt the coach did not know the players or somehow did not want to win. With regards to HS I will say this. I am ok with the older kids getting run over the new kids. Regardless of talent. If it is even close I think the senior should get the playing time especially if they have put in the previous 3 years into the program. Another lesson of life is that if you stick with something and work hard there is a pay off in the end. High School sports should be about more than just winning. At this point in time that is what travel ball is for. You can pay and try out for just about any program in the country if your talent fits the bill. High School is not that place. HS is great and I have enjoyed the teams so far regardless of my kids playing time. They have each learned some valuable lessons from the older kids.
There is something to the complaint about the coaches not knowing the kids. There is a learning curve and that takes time. Most parents know all the kids in their child's age group or class and therefore have a head start but most good coaches can recognize the talent and adapt quickly. The most negative thing about paid coaches is just that. They are there as a job. Not necessarily there for the love of the child on the field. I don't mean to say the coaches don't care about the kids, just merely that they are not there on their own free will for the good of the team. That is ok. They most likely still care about all the kids and the outcome of the team. They just are not there as a parent of a child. With that comes the good and bad. The most glaring example of this happened this week in another state. I do not know all the details nor do I know this coach personally but I do know that mid week during the middle of the tournament, he boarded a flight and left the team without explanation. He simply appeared to have gotten upset with something that happened and flew home. Essentially quite. Which after all is his right. I do not condone or agree with it on face value but if it simply is a job he was paid to do and did not like how it was going he decided he wanted to leave. Happy to say the team adapted and went on a streak for the ages winning out their tournament. Once again, life lessons. They learned that all they needed was each other and turned what could have been a horrible experience into a winning smile.
As a parent only now and not a coach now I think the one thing to remind parents of is that it is not as easy as it looks. Most if not all coaches want to win. They do not want to lose. They have to weigh out the playing time and feelings of their players and most do not do this without a lot of time and consideration. Regardless of paid or daddy I have heard complaints from parents so I think we as parents really need to address ourselves and our expectations of the people we hire to coach our kids. Regardless if it's volunteer or pay to play coach, understand that our emotions as parents need to be controlled in front of our children. At a certain age we should teach our kids to be accountable as well as self advocate. If your child is old enough to speak up for themselves then empower them on how to do that. Do not talk crap about the coaches at the after game dinner or on the car ride home. Instead spend some more time with your kid after practice or ask a friend what you think you could do to get the positive change you desire.
Sometimes getting an honest opinion of your child's abilities is hard to get from a family member, friend or paid advisor. Typically they play as much as they should and I know that will be hard for some parents to read and here comes the voodoo doll pokes but that is the truth MOST OF THE TIME...Not always but most of the time. If you are constantly on a team where you think the coach doesn't know what they are doing or your child does not play as much as they should... I have news for you. It's probably you. No one will tell you but that is ok. I am here. Don't shoot the messenger but as your child gets older the competition gets harder. The kid who plays the whole game at 12 may also play the whole game at 16. They may also not play at all at 16. I can assure you the kid who works hard will always get better at what they are doing. As their parents we need to just be proud of what they can control and help them navigate what they can not. Most importantly, we as parents need to manage ourselves. We have that control always! Let's use this time wisely and help create the best humans possible, not only the best athletes.
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