Uncle Joe

This is me the summer of 1980 down on the Russian River with my Uncle Joe and my Nana (great grandma). I usually do my blogs on sports and this one will be a little different. I thought I'd dedicate this one to my Uncle Joe. We lost my Uncle Joe this year a few weeks ago and it hit me a lot harder than I wanted it to. I tried to do what I have always done with death and just chalk it up to life and such. Perhaps it was my coping mechanism or perhaps it was the years of law enforcement dealing with death on a weekly basis and just becoming gray to the matter. Either way this one wasn't.

You see the 3 people in this picture span 4 generations yet all had the same birthday June 13th. Imagine that, a bond that I don't think I ever appreciated until this year. This will be the first year in as many as I can remember that I wont get that phone call or text from Uncle Joe saying "Happy Birthday Joey". Even at 45 years old I was still Joey. Another thing in our family you may not know is that I am 1 of 6 "Joe's" in my family. I was always Joey. Just made it easier at family gatherings. There was Grandpa Joe, Uncle Joe, Joanne, Joey and Jojo. Funny thing was my cousin Joe (Jojo) and I would always raz each other on who would be Joe first and shake our childhood nickname. Funny enough we both still address each other as our nicknames but are called Joe by most anyone who sees us unless they know us from childhood. When Angel and I were thinking of baby names it never crossed our mind that we would add to this number but something in my gut changed when she was about 6 months pregnant and we added to the count. 

Another fun fact about Uncle Joe is that he was always a great resource growing up. If you had a problem he had a solution. Sometimes he had a solution even if you didn't have a problem. Truth be told it would drive me nuts playing softball with him or golf with him and he would come up and tell me "We don't need a homer Joey just a nice single" or " If you just grip the club a little different you won't have that fade" even though he knew it was a slice that I just played to my advantage. He was also the first guy to show up when our house caught on fire and we needed help, or if something went wrong he would be there for help. My mom shared a story with me about when she was 16 and found out she was pregnant with my sister. He was the older brother who comforted her and went with her to tell my grandparents. He was always family first, good or bad.

As far as sports goes it could be said that the "Shasky'' side of our family was sports crazy. More so with regards to Uncle Joe and Jojo. Angel and I have been together since we were 16 years old. She would often joke about how sports crazy they were and how we would never be like that. Funny enough here we are at a sporting event nearly 335 days out of the year. We are not only like the Shasky family we have probably taken it up a notch. To say my kids are competitive would be like saying water is wet. They have every ounce of competitiveness he had and then some. At my uncle's funeral my cousin Jojo did a fantastic job telling the stories of his father and how he coached and made games and sometimes was kicked out of games and that was when it hit me. Man I am so much like my uncle in that regard it hurts. I am not sports crazy but crazy invested in what my kids are doing. It's just ingrained in me. I want them to succeed as that is what makes them happy. When my uncle was giving me that advice he wanted me to succeed he wasn't trying to correct my wrongs he was trying to guide me to success. 

I think growing up without a father in my house probably led me to have a chip on my shoulder and as a defense mechanism take any criticism, constructive or not, as a knock on me. I had plenty of uncles and family friends that would tell me what to do, weather wrong or right. It made me look at this advice as if I was doing something wrong and therefore feel that person was against me when in fact they were just trying to help. It's taken me 45 years to figure this out. Life is a lesson every day and should be enjoyed. I am so guilty of looking forward to tomorrow. Where will the kids pick to go to school? What will the kids pick to do as adults, that I am not sure I am truly enjoying the journey. I often tell Joey that I am in uncharted territory with him with regards to teenagers dealing with their father. My dad was about 2 hours away and I saw him on the weekends but we were not in each other's territory day and night. We did not argue nor did we talk, just wasn't how it was. I'm sure my dad was doing what he thought was best and wanted the best for me. 

At the funeral I also got to talk to my cousin who said something so strong it really felt like a ton of bricks. We were talking about their relationship with their parents and what they have changed with their children. They said "We have to break the cycle" . I couldn't stop thinking about it. They were so right. As parents we try our best or at least feel like we are trying our best with the given abilities we have. No matter how hard we try our children will find our faults or feel like they have been slighted at some Christmas or birthday but the show must go on. It is our job to be there for them the entire way. Be there for them in the best way we know how. I would often tell parents when I was on duty and in their home for a call that "we don't get directions' ' with regards to parenting we are all just winging it. Similar to that great family recipe, use as much of it as you like and change the ingredients you don't. This is your time now to make the humans you want to see out in the world.

To my uncle Joe, I love you and I will miss your advice. I will miss the role model you always were even though I didn't realize it at the time. I do now, a little late but never too late. You always found time to help out those outside your home even while trying to be the best dad I'm sure you could be. Thanks for also showing me that we all have our faults but it's what we do when we address them that matters most. It is how we make the next step in life better than the last. 

Here's a pic of #2 meeting #6 the day he was born. In true fashion and competitive nature uncle Joe was the first uncle to meet lil Joey. I am blessed to have a lot of great uncles, this just happens to be the first I have lost.